Last year I was blessed to attend Beth Moore’s Bible Study on Esther.
Now normally I’m not comfortable talking about my faith on my blog.
For one thing, I never want it to appear to others that I think I’m better than anyone or the model of Christian faith. But then I realized, I admire Beth Moore and she doesn’t say she is Little Miss Perfect model of Christian faith either, so maybe it’s okay for me to share where I am?
So here is the biggest nugget that jumped out for me during the Esther study.
Women, when you are feeling cattiness sprout from your soul about another woman. When you see the claws coming out and the viciousness rising to the surface—-check yourself.
Because the issue is NOT that other woman. It is most certainly YOU and YOU are the one that is fearful, intimidated or jealous about something about that woman to trigger such a response in you.
Yes.
Now read it again.
At the time, that was such a wake up call for me because there was a woman who I had really nasty feelings about. Even though I never said anything to her or did anything to her. Whenever I saw her I just thought really ugly things and when I wasn’t thinking nasty things, I was telling my husband all the things I disliked about her. You see I’m not naturally catty. I don’t have the snappy come backs. I don’t have the biting words. I don’t know how to cut you off at your knees in two seconds—-and maybe it’s a good thing?
Although it doesn’t seem that way at the time that I’m getting attacked by someone.
So yes, it was wake up call for me.
Or so I thought…but we’ll come back to that.
This weekend I had another wake-up call.
And like most Godly lessons, I didn’t get the entire lesson, until the next day.
You see I just had someone verbally attack me and come after me for the same reason I didn’t like the other girl. There is some area of her heart or life that is hurting and she is jealous, fearful or intimidated by something in mine. I have no idea what it is and honestly, it’s not even for me to try to figure out. But it does make forgiving this person a lot easier for me, now that I have made the connection.
And lest you think I’m sitting here thinking I’m Little Miss Perfect model of Christian faith, let me tell you what I just did. I just humbled myself to the woman that I disliked and felt ugly towards because of my own fear, insecurity and yes, jealousy.
And it hurt.
Ouch.
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Okay, I'm going to have to read that to my sis-in-law so this Grandma competition doesn't get out of control.
While the moment may be difficult, don't you feel SOOO much better when things are set right?
I am definitely not Little Miss Perfect either– especially when it comes to my words. I am glad that humbling oneself and asking for forgiveness gets easier every time you do it!
Very deep. Pondering this myself. Thanks for being so honest.
It's hard to fight human nature some times.
Lovely post.
Karin,
Thank you for being so honest and personal. You know, we all go through it. We all just don't admit it. We should. Thanks for setting the pattern.
What a powerful post that we girls can all relate to. Thank you for your transparency cause this Little Miss Imperfect Christian Girl loves nothing more than blogging friends who share their hearts and their faith while keeping it real!
The great thing about forgiveness is that it frees the forgiver!
Blessings,
Kim
Thank you for your honesty, it is refreshing!
While I don't have your faith, I can relate to the catty, ugly feelings. I found myself leaving a snarky comment to someone just this week. Then I checked myself, just like you said. I realized it had nothing to do with that person and I apologized. She was very gracious and simply gave me some encouraging words in return. Lesson learned here too, at least for today. Think before you speak. Think about the other person's feelings. It can be difficult to do but it's worth it.
Check out my post. I am honoring a few home school moms with the “honest scrap” award because of all the creative/amazing/hands on fun stuff you do!
http://sneakerteacher.blogspot.com/2009/08/bloggy-award_27.html
Katie
wow, that intense. you have major guts to admit something like that. Not all of us have the courage to say that to ourselves, let alone other people. Bravo 🙂
You know, I do know that. I even tell my kids that when they are being mean about each other. But do I live it? No:(
Great post! You're so brutally honest! It's quite refreshing. I did that study in the Spring and LOVED it, but was also convicted of many things.
I loved that God used Beth's mouth for ministry after it was her most embarassing feature because of the accident with her teeth. God is so good. All the time.
~Linda