Don’t think about it. Just relax.
This is just not possible. First of all, you have to take medications at certain times throughout the day following highly specific instructions. During this time you also must submit to frequent blood tests which then determine which other highly specific instructions you will have to follow. How exactly is one not to think about it?
Gee, maybe you should adopt? People seem to get pregnant after they adopt.
Unless you are an adoptive parent or have $40,000+ to immediately give to this couple, you have no business mentioning adoption in my opinion. The choice to adopt or not is a personal one and usually follows a series of events, some of which are extremely painful, before someone can thoughtfully consider if adoption is right for their family, let alone if they can afford it.
Maybe you weren’t meant to be a (mother/father).
And maybe you weren’t meant to be a human because obviously you have no feelings, tact or brains since some people, who CLEARLY should not be parents, have them anyway and then go on to abuse them. So let’s agree that just because one can physically have children, doesn’t mean they should and vice versa.
For those of you who are waiting for children please know that I am praying for you, even if I don’t know you by name. I’m also doing my best to educate the people with foot-in-mouth-syndrome. We have to start by loving them where they’re at and then knocking some sense into them. Agreed?
Raining Pearls says
Yikes. People SAY those things? Ouch.
I confess that I don't know what to say to people struggling with this. I usually just keep my mouth shut or tell them that I will pray for them.
I do care and will listen, but don't have any personal experience to know what to say.
Shannon C says
I had all of those comments while trying to conceive. We did eventually have our daughter through fertility drugs, but then decided to adopt our son from Guatemala. I couldn't believe how many people said to us that I would probably get pregant now that we had adopted– why couldn't they just be happy for us adopting our precious son!! It was as if he didn't matter and he was a magical way for us to get pregnant. Over 5 years later, I can't imagine our family being any different. I love the kids that God blessed us with.
Masala Chica says
I definitely agree with the third one. I think that it is hard to know what to say when you are trying to comfort your friends who are going through this. I would like to be supportive through the process – but I think that other than remaining positive and keeping faith that it will happen, it is hard to say much more without some foot in mouth occurring.
People say stupid things. Both my children came to me through the miracle of adoption. I experienced several years of infertility and it is painful.
I think adoption is a beautiful, amazing miracle but obviously not everyone else thinks so.
Karin Katherine says
Hannah, I believe adoption is a wonderful gift too. It is definitely not a consolation prize. People build their families in a variety of ways and some of them in multiple ways. I am praying with my husband about expanding our family through the GIFT and MIRACLE of adoption. My husband's hesitation has more to do with his age and the number of children we have than anything else. We are also not sure if we would pursue international, local or foster care adoption.
I wasn't meaning YOU thought that way. I hope it didn't come across that way. I just meant some people almost force it on others and while I believe it is a gift and a miracle to my family I don't believe it is the path for everyone.
I had many years of infertility and heard all kinds of crazy. I honestly thought I would smack the next person who told me to “relax” or get drunk before doing the deed.
Anyway, If I came across as snotty I apologize…I am actually pretty nice 🙂
Karin Katherine says
I didn't think you were mean and snotty at all! Was my response rude? I didn't mean to be if it came across that way.
Did you also get the helpful comments of, “Wow, I just look at my husband and get pregnant.” I was never really sure what they were trying to say to me…was it to encourage me to look at their husband? Or were they really just rubbing my face in it?
Yes, people say silly, stupid and unfortunately hurtful things when it comes to infertility.
It is a lot easier to take now that I'm surrounded by my four blessings. I know you feel the same way about yours.
; 0 )
You hit the nail on the head here. These are my top pet peeves! So glad you had the guts to post it—and now I'm gonna share it!