On Mondays I blog primarily about Motherhood or Marriage. This post is part of my Motherhood series.
Our twin boys are about to turn ten. In some ways I can hardly imagine that I’ve been Mothering them for ten years.
In other ways, I can barely remember a time when I wasn’t their Mother.
My first-borns.
My initiation into Motherhood.
My Double Portion Blessing.
I had heard that boys eventually begin pulling away from their mother around this age.
While I heard the words, I didn’t think they would apply to me.
I homeschool them.
I go on adventures with them.
I am the one primarily home with them.
How could they pull away from me?
It started slowly of course.
One son began stiffening when I touched his shoulder in public.
Another made his hand a limp noodle when I grabbed it in the parking lot one day.
With 5 sets of hands I usually defer to the smallest 2 so I hadn’t honestly noticed that last one for awhile.
Although it stung a bit, I could still laugh about it.
Then there was that time at Universal Studios. We were all laughing and I was proud of myself for going on the Spider Man Ride 3 times without complaining or getting sick.
Looking for affirmation I asked them if they were having a good time.
“Yeah, but I wish Daddy was here.”
And I told myself that was okay, because didn’t I wish Daddy was here too?
But now we are drifting into new territory.
A territory where they have begun to ignore me, sigh, resist my authority, and most hurtful of all, save their stories for just Daddy.
Where they used to tell me things and ask me questions, they now only value the answers their Father holds for them.
In their quest to become young men they have realized that he is the one better equipped to teach them about what it is to truly be a man.
And though it stings I’m glad I married well.
I am glad a married a man worthy of the honor and task of teaching my precious sons how to be men.
It hurts, I won’t lie.
Meanwhile, I’ll be not-so-patiently waiting for the pendulum to swing in the opposite direction, when I’m told at 18 or 19 they’ll once again seek out their mother.
If only for a home-cooked meal and a clean bag of laundry.
I’ll take it.
0
0
0
3 things not to say to someone going through infertility treatments
Open letter to Kate Gosselin
The best laid plans…
They start growing toward being Men – they love their Mamas, but they do go through a phase…
For now mine is still mama’s boy but slowly morphing into a little man shadowing my main man. Like you, I’m glad I married well!
My youngest child (10 year old boy) is doing the same thing. I know it’s a natural part of his development, but it still stings a bit. My Pastor once said that ” No matter how many kids you have, eventually they will all grow up and move away and it’ll just be you and your spouse again”. So true. It’s the way things are supposed to be, but it’s tough on a mother’s heart. However, I do look forward to grandchildren someday! That will be the icing on the cake.
I understand that it is normal for them to become more independent & pull away in that sense, but is it normal for them to, out of the blue, reject you & act like (& verbally indicate) all of a sudden they don’t like you for many reasons? I went from supposedly being awesome & best mother in the world to rejected & even disdained overnight. I feel hurt, numb, & like I just got hit by the proverbial truck…Thank you for your insights…
I just got rejected. I was told I am embarrassing and my heart was broken. I didn’t know why so I searched the net and finally found your post and I feel so much better. Thank you for sharing.
My son is almost six and the past couple if months I have felt that he is pulling away from me. I have always done everything when it comes to his care, but suddenly it seems that he doesn’t want my affection or to be around me at all. His dad and I do not have a good relationship and I worry that my son is following his father in how he treats me without respect and is openly hateful. I do not know what to do to change this. His dad, who lives with us, just decided to quit his job and go to college full time. He decided to take two full months without work or school to spend time with our son, which is great since he never helped out with his care before. However, since I am now the sole monetary provider for our family, I continue to work. The increased time with his father seems to have really increased his negatives ruby towards me and my heart feels like it is literally breaking. I do not know what to do to get my sweet, loving child back. My world is so dedicated to taking care of him and now he just doesn’t want me. He is becoming ungrateful like his dad towards anything I do or say. I can’t sleep. I am fighting back tears all of the time. I never can sit and just talk to him because his dad doesn’t give us any alone time and just wants me to continue to do the tasks of work and keeping up the household. I feel so unneeded and sad. I just hate my life right now. My son has always been my sunshine and my reason for working hard and…well, basically not hating life. His dad has actually told me when I have tried to talk to him about how I feel and how I need his support in having our son respect me that I should just kill myself. Sometimes I really think he is right. I know it’s not good to be this sad and feel all sorry for myself, but I think I’ve just lost it. I feel like his dad will replace me if I’m gone and maybe it would be good for my son in the long run to have someone better than me. I just keep searching for something that will tell me this is all somehow normal and I’ll get my child to come back to me again. I don’t feel like I can handle chasing him forever when it seems like he just doesn’t want me around. They both don’t now.
The father is not better than you. You are loving, dedicated, hard working, & you provide everything that is needed of you both physically & emotionally. You sound like a wonderful mom & person. I am sorry you are hurting; I am sorry us moms, & maybe single moms, are hurting. Don’t give up. Keep loving even when you are hurt. I will pray for you.
my eye’s filled with tears when I saw this. I’m a single parent of 3 and they live mainly with their father and every emotion you said I felt also. My son is 13, the sweetest, loving, God given heart. But I worry about his dad’s influence. He no longer seems to care, miss me,call, want extra time,nothing. My heart is breaking.
I was struggling a little before reading these posts. Thank you for posting. As a single parent I was the sole caregiver for my son. I met my husband when my son was was about to turn 4. My son took to having a father like a duck to water. He went through various stages of development, especially as he got used to not being the only man around :). But now the pendulum has shifted (as I’m reading) as he is becoming so much more independent. As necessary and normal as it is, it still hurts. But just knowing that it is normal helps tremendously. He wants to hang with daddy now, and will “wait for daddy.” I at least know that I’ve married real well! Like i say… still stings a little, but I’m glad we have a good man in our lives and one that will help to steer him in the right direction. This is normal, so it’s nothing that I’ve done/am doing wrong. I’m glad I found these posts!
My son is now 7 by the way!