On Mondays I usually write about Marriage or Motherhood. Today’s post is slightly different.
Here’s the thing, when I started blogging my thought was much like it was when I decided to pose for Playboy Magazine.
I thought: No one I know will ever see it.
At first I imagined somewhat nameless & faceless strangers reading my blog and occasionally commenting.
Later, I imagined two separate and very distinct areas of my life.
One involved my secret online friends reading and frequently commenting on my blog, while everyone else didn’t know a thing about it.
My blog was going to be a SAFE creative outlet and though I was essentially putting myself out there by writing publicly online; I believed I could fail, look stupid, or learn things the hard way (my apparent preferred method of learning) away from the judgement of those I knew.
Not so.
As I continue to follow my desire to write, express myself and to hopefully learn better punctuation and grammar skills; I’m also learning to accept that people I know are going to read this blog.
I never imagined or expected a scenario that while in the middle of cleaning out my daughter’s closet our housekeeper would walk in and say, “My daughter and I started reading your blog”.
And while I didn’t handle it well (I just said, “Oh”) and the ground didn’t open up at will and swallow me whole; I’m learning to accept that too.
While pursuing my passions there are going to be people who talk about me, criticize my ‘foolish pursuits’ or simply shrug their shoulders indifferently.
And that’s okay.
Every day I tell my children they should pursue their dreams.
I tell them they can try anything and that it’s okay if they fail or don’t do it perfectly, as long as they enjoy it.
Doesn’t that apply to me as well?
What better example could I be to my children than one who is living out what I ask them to believe?
What’s holding you back? Are you keeping your pursuits and passions private because of fear? Or has fear stopped you from pursuing them at all?
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Man, I totally get this.
And yes – for those of us who started our blogs thinking we could stay mostly anonymous, it’s a bit of a gut-punch when we realize the Internet really is the world wide web.
But it’s good. I agree with you that it doesn’t mean you have to change how you write or what you write about (unless you’re sole purpose as a blogger is to write mean diatribes against people in your life, but then, you’ve got other problems). It just means you have to develop clarity and thick skin. Both are skills necessary for life, online or off.
I can write about things that I could never speak out loud. I too never imagined that other people that knew me in real life would ever read the words I write! It is humbling. I suppose the REAL me is a mesh of these two worlds… Always more to me than meets the eye!
There is a flip side to this that I have been thinking about as I recently found out all the “church ladies” were circulating my blog. I wonder sometimes if they think they know us when reality is a bit different from the written word. I don’t usually post pictures of me lecturing my child but on occasion, we need to have one of those talks in front of God and everybody…even at church. Also, conversation is sometimes awkward. Feeling like I need to preface every conversation with, “Did you read my blog?” making someone feel guilty when in reality I am simply trying not to repeat myself. I think I need to get over myself here. Great post!
great post. I love how you pointed us toward pursuing our dreams. because the reality is, fear wants to stop us. but GLORY can live and be shared here in blogland, so we must press on!
Karin, I love this and do know what you’re talking about. It is like Marsha said above, “humbling”. And if I might add my own word–scary!! At least to me, because in real life I am a pretty private person. Who knew? Love you sweet friend.. this was incredibly encouraging.