What I Want You to Know about Twins

They are a double blessing, not double trouble.

Yes my hands are full, but so is my heart. In our family children are a blessing. To be given two, is a double blessing.

Don’t ask me (especially in front of my children) “Which one is the good one and which one is the bad one?” Although all children have good days and bad days, there is no “bad one.” If you honestly think so, perhaps you’ve been watching too many scary movies.

No, they don’t look alike, but they are still twins. That is because they are fraternal twins. Instead of one egg splitting in two, two eggs were fertilized. Not all twins look alike. Some are even of the opposite sex, and on behalf of those mothers may I just say— they really hate it when you look at their boy/girl twins and ask if they are identical!

Please don’t ask me if my twins are REAL twins. Is there such a thing as an artificial twin?
Please don’t tell me you know exactly what it’s like to have twins because your children are 12-18 months apart. I’m sorry, but you don’t. You know what it’s like to have young children close together, but that is not a twin experience. When you have twins you leave the hospital not with one infant, but with two. You get up at night, not with one newborn, but with two. It’s different. I’m not saying one is better than the other. It’s just different. On behalf of twin mommies everywhere I had to get that out. It truly drives most of us crazy. It’s not a competition or a judgment, it’s just a fact.

Unless you know me personally, don’t ask me, “Did you use fertility?”
I’m not even sure that question is grammatically correct, but it’s what I get asked a lot. I hear from other twin moms they get asked that a lot too. While I am not ashamed of the fact that I needed help to conceive, it’s not something I feel like discussing with strangers in aisle 3 of the grocery store. “Does your husband use Viagra?” See what I mean? Rude.

Please don’t ask who the older one is. They were born 1 minute apart on the same day. There is no older one in our mind. Our first born sons are both our oldest children. Although some parents of twins may choose to speak about who was born first, our children actually don’t know. We didn’t feel it was necessary for them to know. It has no bearing on who will be the most outgoing. Trust me, I know where you are trying to go with that question, but the 1 minute older one is not the extrovert or the tallest.

Please don’t speak about my children in front of them like they aren’t there.
When you stare at my children and declare, “I guess you can tell them apart because that one is shorter.” One of my sons feels unnecessary embarrassment and humiliation and I want to just punch you in the face, but that wouldn’t be very Christian of me. Yes, one of my sons is taller than the other one. But since they look NOTHING alike, let me assure you that is not how I tell them apart. Here is another fact: Mothers of identical twins can tell their children apart too, imagine that. Even when one is not shorter than the other!

If you don’t remember which twin is which. It’s okay to ask. Really, it is. Just say, “I’m sorry, but what is your name again?” It’s not okay to call them their twins name and when corrected ask, “What difference does it make?” If it didn’t make a difference we would have given them the same name!
And finally, I want you to know that twins, even if they look alike, are two individual people. As such they have different talents, personalities, and interests. If you have more than one child at home then you can relate to that. It is wonderful to see and important to nurture. But no matter how different our children may be, they also have a very close bond, and our family chooses to nurture and encourage that. They are truly each others best friend and that has nothing to do with the fact they are homeschooled, so much as it about their twinship. While our twins certainly do have other friends, I am glad they were born with their best friend. So when you see them playing together on the playground, enjoying each others company instead of the company of strangers, don’t tell me I really need to separate them more.

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