Adoption is complicated part 2

Sometimes it is hard to imagine that Baby Sister has been my daughter for only 4 months. In my mind it seems as if she was always a member of our family.

If you are new to the blog and are wondering if I am math illiterate, I should mention that we adopted Baby Sister when she was 3 months old.

She continues to light up our world in so many ways and is a blessing and joy. Many of our friends (who have not adopted) have remarked at one point or another that we have saved our daughter from many things and that she is lucky to be in our family. For a long time I wasn’t sure how to take that. While we do believe that the bible calls us to help the orphans and believe that adoption is specifically blessed by God, neither of us would ever look at one of our children as a charity project.

SHE is a blessing and a gift to us from God.

…and yet as I pray for her birth parents and worry over their struggles, I do feel relief that because of her adoption she doesn’t have to grow up under the stress and struggles that they each currently face. Because they did that for her. They chose a better situation for her. One that they wanted her to have and couldn’t offer. One they felt she deserved, no matter how much it hurt them.

…and I do pray that as they travel through their grief process they will eventually find relief, pride, peace and closure.

We know that Baby Sister’s birth mother has dropped from the radar and had her living situation change more than a few times since we last saw her. It breaks my heart that her visit with Baby Sister ultimately wounded her in some ways. It was certainly not what I expected. For lack of a better expression, I drank the adoption Kool-Aid and believed that the visit would be this happy occasion where we would all hug and kiss and celebrate the fact that I was leaving with Baby Sister and that she saw me as her mother now.

I know there are birth mothers who write compelling blogs about visiting the children they placed for adoption and how it has helped them…but I don’t believe it helped V.

I think she would have been better off with the letters & pictures we originally agreed upon and the space to allow God to heal her heart and bring her comfort. I still pray that she will find that as she pulls away from us. I pray that one day she will send the letter she promised to write to Baby Sister so that I could put it in her baby box. I would like her to have that one day but I’m also prepared if that day never happens.

As it is now, I write letters and send pictures and they sit at the adoption agency as they don’t have an address to mail them to.

Adoption is complicated.