Yet lately, it seems that we are both falling short of the expectations that our spouse has of us and for our marriage.
I wonder how many couples take the time to think and discuss what their expectations are of marriage before they enter into a life long union? Many of us take more time in choosing a car or homeschooling curriculum than we do in preparing for marriage. A few of us have the common sense to discuss the bigger issues–how many children, if any, they will have or if both will work full time. But what about the smaller things? What about who takes out the trash and changes the light bulbs? How will you spend your weekends? I think the smaller things can cause the most irritation if you let them.
The household I grew up in was far from perfect, and I’m the last one on earth who’d like to marry my father. Yet, in some ways I thought I would.
My father fixed things inside the house and outside the house.
He changed light bulbs and laid down the law with contractors, both at work and at home.
His weekends were devoted to tackling the lists my mother made for him of things she’d like done around the house.
I’m not sure what my father-in-law did, but I suspect he didn’t do any of the above and neither does my husband.
On the surface, each item individually seems so small and petty and yet over the past ten years of marriage I’ve come to resent this.
Totally resent it.
My mother-in-law wasn’t much of a mother. Children were basically an accessory, something you had because that was what was expected. She was a career woman with other things on her mind. I suppose my husband thought when he came home from work it would be all about him—or mostly about him. Instead, I focus on the children completely. I grew up in a household where I wasn’t paid much attention to and so I overcompensate.
I know that my priorities should be God, my husband and then my children.
So, why is it so hard to follow that?